Caveat dancer: A Public Service Announcement about Online Vendors

We all hate getting cheated.  We are devastated when we pay money we worked hard to save, only to be cheated out of it by fraud.

And, when the fraud is taking our money for a costume, or other dance purchase, it hurts ten times worse.

Now, imagine that the item in the photo used for the fraud was one of your creations.  That is the pain some of my friends feel right now.  Online “Vendors” are using photos of the other people’s costumes, veils, etc. to try and sell YOU an item the online vendor does not have and will not have.  All they have to do is take your money, then run to the other end of the internet.

Fraud will happen, sadly.  But, here are some tips on how to tell the good vendors, the REAL vendors, the REPUATBLE vendors from the fake ones.

Reputable vendors will have:

1.     Actual contact information on their Facebook page or website.

2.     Links to websites that will work when you click through.

3.     Links to the sites where they list with eBay or Etsy, where you can check their reputation.

4.     A solid reputation with your friends or online forums.  They may even have an established online presence on the internet forums (Bhuz.com, Bellydanceforums.net), and Facebook groups.  You may even find out that the person behind the business is a friend of a friend. Which is how I met the lovely Silkdancer, who was kind enough to let me use her FB page as an example of signs of a REPUTABLE Vendor:

I learned about Silkdancer through friends.  I checked her reputation at Etsy.  I saw raving recommendations from happy customers, both there and on Facebook.  I saw my friends happily credit her in their photos where they posed with her veils.  She offered great customer service when I asked questions, and never, ever rushed me to make a purchase.  I ordered a veil and was delighted.  And, I should disclose that I met her and she is even sweeter in person!  I am happily waiting for my second veil from her!  Silkdancer exhibits all of the “good” traits one wants to see in an online vendor.

Which is why I get angry when I see other “Vendors” use her photos to “sell” “their” goods.

Now, without getting into specific “Vendors” who prompted this post, there are some red flags to watch for:

1.     Lots of photos, with few descriptions.  If you are really selling something, you tend to advertise it.  You’ll have details like sizes, shipping costs, and payment methods accepted.

2.     Divergent styles.  Costume makers have a definite “style” – if you are reading this, you can probably tell the difference between tribal and cabaret, and maybe even the difference between an Abla and a Bella.  Someone who makes hand painted veils typically does not also make bedlah with skirts.  (They might; but, there would be stylistic traits that unify the pieces.)  If it is a dance clearinghouse, that is one thing – but, if it looks like a contemporary, well made piece, next to a contemporary, completely different well made piece, something is up.

3.     Cheap prices.  If it seems too good to be true, it IS.  $106 for a fully beaded dress?  Really?  With shipping?  From some unspecified country to your (oh they never asked?) country?  Warning sign!

4.     Blurred water marks.  It probably means they stole the photos.

Now, when “real” Vendors are just starting out, they may not have all of the “good” signs.  Not all reliable Vendors have all of the good traits; not all of the scary ones have all of the bad. But, starting with a free site like Facebook and suddenly having hundreds, if not thousands of photos of costumes at rock bottom prices that can be made in any size . . . 

Watch out, dancer, somebody’s after your money.

Some notes and thoughts about my weekend away at Art of the Belly

1. This is an awesome festival that is well run and full of talent.  I heard about it via word of mouth, and wanted to pass it along for you to consider attending.
2. Festivals can be overwhelming.  I did the exact thing I was warned about when I first went to another East Coast festival, and signed up for a pile of classes.  But, I planned out lunch breaks, did not perform, and chose sleep over partying all night.  (Having a cold made those choices easier.)
3. Scouting around your location ahead of time makes #2 easier.  Knowing there was a kitchenette in the hotel and a small grocery run on the way there allowed me to stock up on essentials for my diet.  What I should have done was to also phone screen restaurants to find GF friendly options and to check for latex glove use.  (I am horribly allergic to latex.  Eating food prepared with them can send me to the hospital.  Thus, if they use the gloves, I have to eat heavily cooked foods, which also tend to be the ones with wheat.  Thank goodness one restaurant was really sympathetic and modified a dish for me!)
4. Take advice from Ozma's Costumes: take extra paper and pens to lend, say Hi to your classmates, and if you see someone in more than one of your classes, introduce yourself!  I made some new friends this way; and, making friends like this in a prior workshop was how I even found out about this festival!
5.  If you see a dancer after a performance, and you enjoyed his or her performance, say so!  And, introduce yourself!  You may make more friendships this way!
6. FAAAAAAAAAAAAAHTIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!  I spent 6 luscious hours with her over the weekend.  I swear: you can learn more from just watching where she places her big toe than you can in many other 6-8 week classes.  She is warm, and supportive, and wonderful.  If you know a teacher you love and don't have ready access to is teaching at a venue like that, go on and take several classes with them while they and you are there.  She built on concepts over the weekend, so it became more of an intensive and less of a workshop.
7.  Sometimes, it is wonderful to just study and watch.  I did not perform, which I think made the festival FAR more relaxing for me.  Instead, I was able to take in the bulk of the show.  (Some classes clashed with the show; but, you can't do everything.)  It is hard work to sit there for hours at a time when the show started at 12, you got there at 2, and it runs until 10.  This is where some planning ahead (see #2) can save you.
8. Support every dancer.  Every one!  There will be dancers whose nerves show, props that misbehave, costume issues, and even visible lack of rehearsals.  It happens at every show and it has happened to everyone of us.  Still, your smile in the audience may be the thing that reenergizes them.  My favorite thing about this festival was the lack of competitiveness and the incredible support each dancer showed the other dancers.  THIS is the type of event we should have.  If you want that experience, you have to create it by providing that support to others.
9. Ask questions without shame!  I ask a LOT of questions when I study, because I want to get as much out of the course as I can.  As Fahtiem said, "You paid for me!"  The question you have is probably shared by others.  And, people will probably come up and say that after class (more ways to make friends!).  Plus, it can help the instructor to grow in their teaching style.
10.  Sometimes, taking the same workshop a second time can be a worthy investment.  I confirmed this with at least 3 of the ones I took this weekend.  While the concepts were the same, the instructors had new exercises to drive them home, a new perspective on the topic, or a new way to convey the information.  Teachers (the good ones, at least) grow too.  You may be amazed at how they have grown since you last studied with them.

Thoughts on Vintage Side Slit Skirts and Modesty

A Bhuz member asked for assistance on getting that "vintage Turkish slit skirt look" while also preserving modesty.  The following comments were my response, adapted slightly so that they may be useful to you as well.

For the skirt pattern:

• Pick the style based on the number you will do. Side slits cut so that the skirt is sliced in half (front to back, i.e. down the outside of the leg) flare ridiculously when you spin. They work in some contexts; but, they "get in the way" unless your dance consists of lunge poses. Most slit styles are either slit so that 1) the front an back panels meet right over the protrusion of the pelvic bone and so that the panels are about an inch apart; OR, 2) they are cut the same way and the font panel is just gathered more so that it falls more between the legs (gathered to about 3-5" across). The really good news is that, with a little construction forethought, you can make the skirt so that it rides loose on the elastic waist and then pin it to where you want it, pinning the fabric to the elastic. You can even adjust placement of the slits as you practice or at a break in the set, especially if you make the back panel gathered, so that it works well with your number. (Some embellish the waist. I never do that, as that is what my belts are for.)
• AND, no one says the skirt has to be a circle skirt -- you can get some very nice skirts out of plain old rectangular panels, cut so that 2/3 of the length is in the back and 1/3 is in the front. These will flair less when spinning, can be layered with other skirts nicely, and can be made out of heavier fabrics, like a gorgeous brocade. AND, these don't have to be hung to give, in general.

For the modesty aspect:

• I have been studying Turkish costumes a fair amount recently. In studying photos and seeing a scant few vintage pieces in person, let me tell you something few have called out -- Turkish dancers with the more revealing costumes actually attached the skirt in between their belt and their underwear, making a fabric sandwich that stayed put. Everything has to be perfectly fitted for this to work, but, basting threads and an assistant to help the fit can make it happen. Just don't over hydrate and be sure not to sew yourself "into" the costume so that you cannot get out.
• If that is not an option (and it is for only a very few of us), you can use pins to get the same effect. Dressing and undressing will take longer; and, you will still have to have a perfectly fitted belt with a curve along the backside and the right V in the front to get the right look/
• If that is not an option, sheer harem pants with side slits are dead sexy, very vintage, and pretty easy to make. See https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?...7804276&type=3 for my method, which works for both harem and flare leg pants.
• Another option is to attach the side panels using rows of beads, with the length set so that they slightly drape when standing still and hold the panels just the right distance apart when spinning. Chains work in a pinch, too. Old necklaces can be repurposed for this. AND, I have seen this on dear Tulay, too.
• When in doubt, there is nothing easier or more vintage than a good, old fashioned "drop skirt." This is something you RARELY see anymore, and it's a shame. A "drop skirt" is just a panel of fabric, about as wide as your pelvic bones are apart, and long enough that you can tuck and attach it in the front to the waistband of (your skirt, underpants, etc.) and in the back to to the waistband of (your skirt, underpants, etc.). Make the length just short enough and narrow enough so that you don't get your foot caught in it when you dance. A veil works in an absolute pinch; but, my favorite are the long, rectangular holiday scarves out this time of year. (I buy them on Jan 2nd when the price plummets and use them later.)

The Hard Behaviors

Aslahan wrote a wonderful post about some of the hard conversations that a teacher must have with a student over time.  I encourage you to read it, even if you are not yet an instructor.  This got me to thinking about the other side of the relationship, and some of the harder behaviors one should embody as a student, where it may be more beneficial to NOT say something, but, to still take an action that can benefit you as a dancer without disrupting the class.

With all of these strategies, the key is to not “take away” or otherwise make a spectacle out of your actions.  This is a time for discretion, not confrontation.

Issue: The instructor is asking students to do a challenging movement without ensuring they are able to do it.  This could be a Turkish drop, a complex yoga move such as pigeon pose, etc.

Problem: You could get hurt.

Action: Make it a habit to introduce yourself to the instructor before you start to study with them. If you have a limitation or injury, always inform them before class starts and advise them that you may have to modify or exclude yourself from certain movements that involve [X].  Even if you do not have a pre-existing condition, if you are worried that a movement will injure you, STOP.  Do not do it.  If you can modify the move safely do so.  If not, here are some non-disruptive strategies to avoid injury: Use the time to get some water, take some notes off to the side or back of the room, or use the restroom.  If the movement at issue is part of a longer part of the lesson, quietly explore the vending if there is some, take detailed notes on a part of the course you liked, or go outside for some fresh air.

Issue: The instructor starts to explain something in a manner that contradicts what you have been taught, or what your research does not agree with.

Problem: The instructor does not know the material.

Action:  Well, does the instructor really not know?  Or, could it be that you simply have not encountered this explanation yet?  This is a time to be open.  Hear what the instructor has to say.  Listen with an open mind and an accepting expression.  If you are a student with only a little experience under your belt, this is a time to learn that there are both “known” and “speculated” things about our dance.  Take notes, mental or physical, and follow up with your own research.  If you are more experienced, listen for nuggets of truth.  If you have a great deal of experience and know that what is being said is a bunch of hooey,  use the time (while keeping a “listening” expression) for some honest self-assessment: are their things YOU teach as absolutes that you, perhaps should learn more about?  Where are the gaps in your own study?  How many corroborating sources do YOU require before accepting something as “true?”

Issue:  A movement is described one way, then performed another. Or, the students keep trying to get what the instructor says; but, when it is performed for the instructor, the students are told they are doing it wrong.

Problem: The instructor may not be communicating clearly.

Action:  This is the time to ask questions, very carefully worded questions.  As the expression goes, “A problem well stated is a problem half solved.”  As you watch the instructor and the students move, look for places that may prompt a question: the direction of the movement, the placement of the weight, the point of transition.  Try to ask an open ended question (one that cannot be answered “yes” or “no”) to get the most out of the answer.  If needed, follow up with more.  Be sure to ask from a perspective of curiosity, not confrontation, from a place of learning rather than being right.  As you hone your skills at asking questions, you will help others to have the courage to ask and to shape their own questions.

Issue:  The instructor cannot communicate clearly, is asking students to do something dangerous, is clearly not educated in a topic, and may be a bad dancer, to boot.

Problem:  You cannot find anything useful in this class, and it seems like a waste of time to be here.

Action:  This is the hardest situation to be in, for it requires the most professional of responses.  Outwardly, keep an open, “listening” face.  Perform the movements asked, unless they are dangerous, while working on something that is part of your own development (crispness, arm placement, intensity, etc.)  If that is not possible, then there is one action that you can take quietly, and with great discretion: learn what NOT to do.  It is very hard to do this without being noticed; and, the key is to not show that you are doing this.  Take notes, mentally or physically, on things the instructor could be doing to “be better.”  Honestly assess your own actions when you practice, perform, or teach to see if YOU embody any of these behaviors.  Develop strategies to change your own behaviors: How can you identify the simple ones and remove them? How can you break down the complex ones to over come them?  This is the time for the greatest discretion and greatest honesty.  Resist the urge to make a show of  your discomfort with the situation, and turn it into the most valuable learning opportunity.  Remember, even manure helps things to grow, when applied properly.

These are the top three issues I could think of after reading Aslahan’s wonderful post.  There are probably others, too.  Again, the key is to get what you can out of every course you take – even if it is learning what not to do.

To quote my beloved, late grandmother, “Discretion is the better part of valor.”